yeah i've been lazy blogging lately so no updates, sorry guys ...

so here i come ... writing abt random stuff btw.

so i've been thinking about myself. about future, about plan, about what i need to do next, what choices i had, what should i do and etc ... i know im not young anymore so i really need to focus and do what i need to do.

it's quite sad that all my laid out plans are all about pleasing everyone. actually it's not really that bad but i don't think i will be truly happy with all of it (though i will keep my fingers crossed). but then i need to be realistic, otherwise i will be in nowhere soon ... yes im still living my fake life. fake? hmm .. maybe not, but maybe it is ... but then, as they said, just live your life no matter what (?) ...

about the guy (sigh, yes im still stupid .. ), i think i still have feeling for him although i blocked him on my ym forever ... i met him once during lunch not long ago .. i was sitting with friends and he came from behind, i didn't notice him coming, there was this mutual friend of us so he talked to him first, yeah he got this 'chance' to sit next to me finally ... he actually did asked my permission to sit next to me and i was like, smiling and acting kinda cheerful (i didn't want to create awkward situation coz nobody else knows about 'us') and said yes of course why not and further uttered stupid words 'long time no see you' .. he was like, smiling and said thanks so much ... yeah that as if i didn't do anything to avoid him since ages ago ...

so we did talked about few stuff .. and even joked ... and laughed ... and he invited me to come play with him again ... and i did say no problem (stupid right?)

..........

i think i really need to stop writing about him ... but probably i will not stop coz i know i wont ... yes i know ... sigh ..