i wish to be 'normal' and straight just like many out there.
i think it would be easier if i am straight. life wouldn't be so hard. i wouldn't need to hide and fake things. i wouldn't get headaches over some guys. i wouldn't have to cry over them. my life wouldn't be so complicated. my life wouldn't be so full of miseries. my life wouldn't be so full of mess ... and lies!
i still don't know what to live. i feel so useless and alone. i have to pretend that i am happy with my life. i have to pretend that i enjoy living my life. i have to pretend that i am normal. and i have to pretend that i love my fake life!
maybe it would be easier if people are open and supportive. but they aren't. for them, being 'not normal' is a shame. an abnormal should be stoned to death. or shunned for life.
yeah this life's hard. and painful. i don't think anyone will be proud of me if they found out my 'abnormality'. i am sure my family will disown me. perhaps some friends will stay, but i think most of them will cut the strings off.
sometimes i want to end my life. to end the miseries. to end the pains. to end everything. but yeah i still live now.
i wonder what future has for me ...
but do i have a future?
The Year in Review - Rosemary - Late Winter 2014
10 years ago
now now darling!
ReplyDeletei am worried about ur condition right now. if u're so near that any of us could reach and be with u!
pls don't be too sad about who u are. u are what u are! yes we can change, but will u be happy?we can't make everyone happy.
so stay focus on what u were doing lad. excel with what u were doing. its the only way to make everyone happy with u. feel great about urself. never feel bad/sad for ur abnormility.
remember that gays are idealist, different from other ppl and we bring great ideas for damn str8 never be able to think in a sec. we empower the knowledge with our ability to think beyond bloody str8.
feel great about urself darling. cheer up a bit.ok
dear suf,
ReplyDeletethanks for the concern.
don't worry, im alright. i think i still can handle this. i would be long gone if im really that severe. im still sane at this moment..
Normal is relative to something else but what defines "normal" in human terms? Being yourself, being true to what you are, is the best advice. Be happy that you know who you are and why rather than being an unthinking automatron just going through the motions to please others. - V.
ReplyDeletedear V,
ReplyDeletewell i wish i could be true to myself but i think im not ready yet to loose everything i had now. im not ready to be cut off from my family, friends etc2. the people here aren't that open so i really have nowhere else to go should they cast me off.
probably all i need to do is get used to this life in hope that things will be better in the future.